24.10.07

hello scool DAYs. (a partial journal of a 2nd semester nursing freshman) please read on.

hello scool DAYs. (a partial journal of a 2nd semester nursing freshman) please read on.


of: sharee narciso, 11.14.06, 6:07 p.m.

literally.

no more half-day courses.

oh my.

i'm actually going to spend (the next) whole days
of my life surrounded by people both alien and
familiar with me.

and i do not really dig in to such things.

i miss some things.

things i usually do, things i love.

i miss eating alone.

i miss spending my whole afternoon in the
overpass.
(yes, now, get mad at me, i know, i DO use the
overpass - then.)

ask me.

what the hell was i doing there?

what was i?

well, for once, i was watching cars come and go.

i watched them - the street kids who were
of "goon" like characteristics, scaring off freshmen
like me (who later on resolved by taking a different
route).

i saw people enter and leave the university hospital.

i saw merchants sell off their prepaid phone load.

i saw mobiles park in and off of the PS building.

i saw the sun come down.

and i think, in a corner of my mind, it did see me,
too - in a way.

i saw darkness fall.

i heard my stomach groan.
i heard it tell me to go eat.
which i did, most of the time.

yeah, for me, eating is sacred.

and i miss doing SO sacred things alone.

i miss spending hours in the school chapel, too,
watching the students, even some teachers, come
in and say their prayers.

back then, i always wondered what they were
thinking, were they there to thank God? to blame
Him? to ask for help? perhaps, to chat with Him?
or in their worst, was it that they just needed a
cool, comfortable, silent place to spend time at?

i miss those thoughts.

today, i have become so busy, i even forget talking
with God. chatting with Him. things i have always
done. but now.. you know, exams, homework
here, here, and another here. (sigh..)

i miss that, too.

and i miss writing.

my poems. my stories.

AND i miss reading novels - not those of which i
read today (damned chemistry and the like.)

i miss my Coelho moments. when i'd read a book
of his, pause afterwards. silence. i could remember
it all.. i'd think then. i'd look at my life.. then, i'll like
to change. because of what i read.. (yes, i was
THAT easily persuaded. so what? (: what? ha. ha.)

i'd eventually change then. for my better.

i miss my music.

you know, like, jamming with my friends,
exchanging notes and beats over and over for a
whole night.


i miss a lot of things.

oh yeah, i also miss doing sit-ups for hours in my
dormitory room.

i miss looking at myself at the mirror. practically
thinking of nothing.

nothing.

yes.

nothing but me.

nothing but myself.

i may miss a lot of things dearest to me.

things i thought i might never live without (which i
later disproved of.)

but then.. yes, maybe, "i" have lived without them -
but "i" isn't "i" anymore.

"i" without "them" became a different person.

- - - a person swallowed up by socialization, by
THE changing times, by schooling.

i am not me anymore.

hell. now i cannot actually live with that, can i?

so it is.

i'm stopping this. right now.

i miss myself.

the self i loved then.

the self i'd love to continue loving.

and i will do just so - to get "i" back.

(laughs with that twitch on the side of her mouth
filled with greed.)

good-bye third-world mentality.

your seconds are on - and counting away.

5..

4..

3..

2..

1..




..

..

..




oh, hello there.. i'm sharee. a college freshman.
have i told you i love making music?
oh, i also looooove writing. AND reading.
(=

Question: What are computer classes for? (want to know of my answer? read on..)

Question: What are computer classes for? (want to know of my answer? read on..)

computer class you ask me? well, it's
my time of the day, twice in a week,
to meditate, think, and go on with my
writing.

here's a sample.>>>>

November 14, 2006

02.33 PM, our computer teacher goes on
talkin' bout computers as "powerful MA-
SINS making everyday work MORE
FASTER."

Right.




SWAY

by sharee narciso

i can see your silhouette fading.
the mist is gently freezing.
upon me, the rain falls down.
t'has gotten me no choice but a frown.
words flooding in like waves,
tension is felt, as it craves.
as voices fill up this room,
melancholy serves my doom.
murmurs alongside the One.
chaotic yet peacefully in love.
i try to move but i'm numbed.
the noisy silence gets me crumbed.
what is the essence of this?
it seems like i am a sole witness.
they keep om with their life,
mine, i am searching for - i jive.
they talk on and on,
words adjacent to oblivion.
then, i see your silhouette come to
life.
you are as clear though i close my
eyes.
at last, i end all this..
with one blow, sealed with my kiss.



**************
THE explanation: (there is? there is.
don't get me as too poetic.)

1.i can see your silhouette fading.

>> nasa computer room ako, syempre
may bintana. e nakita ko ung anino
nung isang student na nasa labas. i
thought i might as well start the
initial sentence of my poem with him.
ha. ha.

2.the mist is gently freezing.

>> naka aircon eh. (=

3.tension is felt, as it craves.
as voices fill up this room,

>> kaingay kaya ng classmates ko.


4.melancholy serves my doom.

>> the actual act of not paying
attention IS my doom. ha.ha.


5.murmurs alongside the One.

>>do NOT get me wrong. he isn't the
one. our teacher? NAH. jusmio. the
murmurs - my classmates yan, ALONGSIDE
(sabay sabay ang ingay e, parang
palengke.) the one, who is supposed to
symbolize the 'instructor' (as he
calls himself).


6.i try to move but i'm numbed.

>> kamusta? try nyo yung situation
ko nun.. e hinigaan ba naman ako nung
seatmate ko (hey thea!!(= panu naman
ako gagalaw nun di ba, kalahating
katawan ko namanhid na.)

7.it seems like i am a sole witness.
they keep om with their life,

>> ang busy kasi nilang
nagdadaldalan, i was the only who
seemed to appreciate life's art na
naman. haha. sometimes noise becomes
art - AT THE RIGH TIME (computer
class) AND RIGHT PLACE (computer
class) (= ...

8.then, i see your silhouette come to
life.

>> tumayo si anino sa labas ng
window. (come to life eh noh? hahaha)


9.you are as clear though i close my
eyes.

>> dumaan sa may door, eh clear ang
view dun di ba. so nakita ko nga sya.
hahhahaha.

i feel stupid now that i've explained
this.

>>as for the rest of my words, they
are mere literaries to fill up the
poem. for completion lang, ika nga.

kala nyo siguro noh.
sometimes poems aren't as they seem.

and sometimes, computer classes have
their purpose.

kasi naman, what do you expect? dati
algebra, ngayun computer. hello?
nursing kasi kami?


-shareenarciso,posted11.15.06

i'm on the process of purifying (my soul)

i'm on the process of purifying (my soul)

sharee narciso.written 11.18.06

now, this would not involve those stupid experiments in chemistry laboratory.

yes.
as i promised, i am going back.
i'm coming back to my senses.
i'm beginning to be 'me' again.

i started off by reading "youngblood
2.0" of the Philippine Inquirer books
(oh, thanks for the lend, cuz.)

second step. this is a pre-requisite
course, mind you. i re-listened to my
spongecola.

(ooohhh.. i can feel that overdrive
again.. it's scratching through my
chest.. attempting to break free.
conotatively. i feel it more than
anything else. do you?)

third step. after pumping up all the
musical passions long forgotten,

(because philosophy seems to take hold
of me more than i could handle. i even
had one time when i almost forgot Gosh
Dilay's real name.. sorry, Gosh.)

i've actually TOUCHED my guitar after
a month (or more). i felt it. the
curve. the rusting strings secured
from a local sporting goods.
the un-nailed-missing-screw part of
its head (caused by a tragic act of a
former (hated) classmate. the
scratches it had had acquired through
high school expeditions. i felt it.

fourth. i flexed my finger muscles.
blood was flowing through them. there
was this static force overpowering my
desire to strum again. a force i
tolerated. i did the finger-exercise
originally taught by my high school
music coach (coach? right. he'll
probably laugh if reads through this.
i never called him coach, i just felt
the term would appropriate for the
explaining moment at present), at my
guitar's flat-back. my fingers, i
congratulate myself for this effort,
have come back into resurrection after
being doomed by too much badminton
plays (they really were, you could
look at my palm personally for any
doubts, i'd love to show you).

fifth. the pre-climax. i started
putting him (my guitar. he's my
boyfriend, you know) back into
standard tuning [come on. don't blame
me. it has been housed in its case for
more than four weeks now (i am very
saddened by the thought alone). do not
expect of it maintaining its tunes the
last time you heard me play it (if
ever you did)].

sixth. okay, here it is. after much
preparation, (which would have summed
up just about ten minutes' length in
the maximum. the descriptions in the
above pre-steps are only too vivid
that your imagination tells you it
would have taken an hour. but it
didn't. okay, smile.) i positioned my
right-hand fingers on the lower torso
of my guitar. counting: 1 pak, 2 pak,
3 pak, 4 tenenenen.

please visualize the following scene
and the sounds i'll be making:


dooo-roorooo-doo-roorooo.

[and so on, for about 4 times with
that sponged fade effect at the end.
(the tada-da)]

B-flat now. "sino 'tong nakatingihin?
anghel bang magliligtas sahakin?"

(i'm following a biological playlist -
that is, the one we used to follow
with my band mates back in high
school.)

seventh. this is a most crucial step
and sometimesi feel ashamed of it.
please forgive me if you think i have
caused harm enough to affect your
sleeping at night (or if you are my
dorm mate, please try to understand
that i am going through a phase of
critical self-definition. pardon me.)

this is when.. ehem (clears clogs in
the throat) .. i begin to
actually "produce sounds from my
diaphragm to my pharynx and
eventually, through my oral airways
and out into the open space audible to
the normal people." (or, i then sing,
in the layman's term.)

heto na tayo, heto na tayooooooo..
woohhhhh... ohhh. (the "woohhhh" is
actually my favorite part. i don't
know why. i think it gives the feel of
the whole song in itself.)

oh, before i do forget, i'd like to
thank yael (wherever he is) for the
great lyrical words.

this step really takes THE guts. i
don't even know, my dorm mates might
be out my door, listening and talking
of me with disgust, praying i leave
the dormitory as if a meteorite was to
shoot its way through my window and
into my vocal cords.

now,that has been much talk. no more
space. to be continued. read on,
please. the following steps would be
essential to result.
now, i am not exaggerating.because
when i sing,(when i'm alone,that
is.)i reach for that feeling when you
become one with the song - when you
ARE the song itself,only more fleshy.
i do all the "H sounds" yael yuzon
created.i do all the instant
one-fret-higher-transitions (my face
does turn red whenever i am executing
the act).i have the usual
bridge-part-of-the-song-adrenaline-
rush,when i feel like i'm a rock star
or something.

eighth.after the
would-be-two-hour-at-its-most jam
session with me,myself,and my guitar
in the music studio (my room) i call
home,i would perform the thing i love
most when dealing with water - i brush
my teeth.now,is that not just
refreshing?it is.

ninth.morning comes.after turning
off my buzzing alarm,i greet myself
and thank the Great One up there for
giving me another 2 dozens of hours
alive and at my feet.first thing,i
do my 3-in-1 coffee (well,for one,if
you are not aware,EVERYthing has
become instant these days.man, what
happened?)i check my phone for any
messages and sigh good luck to my
texting fingers when i lay my eyes on
a whopping 56-messages-received-
welcome on my screen.sending my
signature "words-of-wisdom-freshly-
from-sharee-narciso" follows (by the
way, the term was once suggested by a
classmate)to practically all the
people listed on my phone book,then i
say hi to a lovely,chirping brown bird
resting from a flight on my window
pane (OKAY. i get it. you're not my
mom, don't scold me. that part isn't
real,as you may have guessed earlier.
sorry,okay?now,can i go on?thank you.)
and i do some non-locomotor stretches.
i then roll my window blinds up and
let a bask of sunshine bathe my entire
body (NOW. don't you dare
think of anything naughty listed in my
unethical-ways-to-think-of-the-
sentence-mentioned-above.i'll kill
you,by the way,if ever you would.i'm a
good girl.) and if i do not have
any badminton plays on my schedule,i
open up my drawer and check if there's
enough ink and paper to keep me alive
the whole (or half, if sloth comes)
day.

tenth. all these preparations
assured,i make sure no faucets are left
dripping,i go down the stairs,greet
our front desk and security guard,go
out into the open,and meet with the
real,human world.i go on my way to the
overpass.i watch the city transform
into THE city.i watch life go through
the things i does go through.i love
that,with the cold early morning mist
brushing past through my numbed
cheeks,the local sun still on the
process of going up into the top.

i leave when the city does become the
city,when the peaceful life i know is
overpowered by the busy cars on and
off streets,when silence is replaced
by noise.i head off back to my
room,oblivious to the changes around
me which i do not want to care of.

eleventh. i write.

i love being alive because we are
gifted with the ability to do the
things that life offers us.
i love that.
i love to write.
Writing is my boss.
i love working for him.he seems nice.

twelfth.i visit the school chapel at
dusk (if,and only if,due to certain
circumstances,it is a monday,or a
tuesday,or a wednesday,or a
thursday,or a friday,or a
saturday.phew.)i look at the things
there.the altar.the novena copies on
the seats.the karaoke on the
corner.the image of my brother on the
middle aisle.i think.i reflect.then i
chat with him.

thirteenth.the last stage,and
sometimes,(with guilt)my favorite of
the thirteen-fold.i eat.(=

after a few munching seconds...voila!
i am purified.the cycle goes on,
though sometimes,due to extra
curricular,unplanned
activities,modifications are present.i
love the process.

nothing can compare to whatever lies out there.

nothing can compare to whatever lies out there.

shareenarciso,11.21.06

Last Sunday, i have spent practically
the whole of my night on the process
of "mastering" (term preferred by my
professor when we are asked to read 65
pages of technical text with
characters in font sizes ranging from
5 to 8 - in single space. yeah) the
sources, functions and deficiencies
brought about by retinol, caleiferol,
tocopherol, quinone, thiamin,
riboflavin, blah and blah.

sigh.

i was just thinking.
what could i have been doing intead
[that time] if i had taken up music?
fine arts? film?

i imagine.

i am writing notes. fret transitions.
or i might be sketching a visual image
from the southwest of my mind. i might
be thinking of the best title for my
new short story, i might be thinking
of the best ending for my poem, a
conclusion to my latest essay. oh.

nah, that wasn't what i am imagining:
that IS what i am dreaming, hoping to
happen.

this is Coelho's "what-might-have-been-
but-did-not", and it just makes me
think. and wonder - even more than i
should.

Tuesday, 12:06 a.m. - i couldn't
sleep. i felt that longing. i miss
writing. i mean, i still DO write, but
not like the way i did before. like
back then when writing and music were
the only reasons i had for attending
school. back when these made, in
totality, most of my life. but now,
when i write, when i play music, it's
as if the acts have been suddenly
reduced to small bits of dust. they
aren't my life anymore - they are
merely, just, a part of it. that's sad.
i do them now to, well, keep in touch
with the skills so as not to forget
(i'll kill myself if i do), to relax,
to relieve myself from the overacting
stress i get everyday. just that.

well, i don't know.
college has turned me into this freak.
a monster who doesn't even leave its
room except when it is feeling too much
hunger already. something without
drive - who wakes up for the sake of
waking up. the passion's gone. the
drama of life has been, as though,
sucked out of its memory by a raging
dementor from Azkaban.

i'll still sing my prayers.

a christology discourse

[a christology discourse]

october 4, 2006

sharee narciso

JESUS CHRIST: MY TECTOSPINAL REFLEX STIMULATOR

(a.k.a. head turner)



Rarely do we realize that we are in the midst of the extraordinary. Miracles occur all around us, signs from God show us the way, angels plead to be heard, but we pay little attention to them because we have been taught that we must follow certain formulas and rules if we want to find God. We do not recognize that God is wherever we want Him to enter.


I’ve been told, back then when I was young, of stories about the life of Jesus Christ, Son of God and Son of Man - He who died for our sins, He who is called our Savior, our Redeemer, our Lord. He is Jesus, God’s only son, sent on earth to fulfill a mission.


He who was crucified, He who died, He who rose from the dead, He who ascended to heaven, He who sat (and still sits) at the right hand of God, our Father – He is Jesus Christ. He was born in a stable in Bethlehem of His mother Mary, who sacrificed the focal point of her being woman by giving birth in a smelly manger with the foul. His foster father is Joseph the carpenter. He grew up in Nazareth, where He had also been a carpenter.


Jesus Christ preached about God, His Father, and of His Kingdom. He went on His ministry, preaching, healing the sick, performing miracles, telling parables, among others. He also chose His disciples who were to continue His work, and one of whom will be the cause of His death – a death of purpose – a death to save lives, to save people from sin.


But who is Jesus Christ to me? To my life?


I believe Christology will never be effective. No one could ever know who Christ really is just by coding His history, His life. There is only one way to learn who Jesus is, in my opinion. The only way to know Jesus is by being His friend, just like the way we make friends at home or at school. Agreed my favorite author, Paulo Coelho, in one of his books, “A person who goes in search of God is wasting his time. He can walk a thousand roads and join many religions and sects – but he’ll never find God that way. God is here, right now, at our side. We can see Him in this mist, the ground we’re walking on, even in my shoes. His angels keep watch while we sleep and help us in our work in order to find God. You only have to look around.”


I am telling the truth when I say so. Jesus has been my friend, just recently. For seventeen years I led a life which actually had nowhere to lead to, until college. God let life take its course on me. I became the worst child any parent could have. I was the most horrible student, going to school with no homework, cheating on every examination (as far as I recall) given to us, backstabbing those teachers I did not like, cutting classes, blah, blah, well, you get the picture. I had been the worst influence to my friends. I fought back to anyone who tried to tell me what to do, what to believe in. All that was important to me was myself, myself, and, oh... yes, myself. I knew God was watching, and He did so very intently. I knew He was pleased. I knew He did not regret anything about my life – He let “life take its course on me.” There are no second-takes, I did what I did. My life wasn’t a mess. I am happy I lived my life that way. Why?


Because eventually, I grew tired of the practice. One day I woke up, I felt empty. I had no purpose. I had no meaning. What am I for? But with this, I did not feel any shame, I was not saddened. The truth is, I was happy. I became thankful. I felt blessed. God planned everything (that’s the reason why I so much believe that everything happens in accordance to God’s plan). Just like in the past, when Israel had no prophets for such a long time, it wasn’t because God left or abandoned His people – He just let them commit mistakes – and to learn from these. The same thing happened to me. Going back, after a long interval, God sent His last prophet, John the Baptist, to remind them of God’s guidance. Again, the same thing is for me. The life I had was not a waste. It was merely a time for me to experience things – and these experiences made me a wiser person – the person I am today. God also sent someone to remind me of His love and guidance – but He was no prophet. He was the one prophets talked about.


Who did God send? He sent His son, Jesus Christ. I was walking down the streets when I heard Him call me. The voice was melancholic. It was simply divine. Holy. Heavenly. I smiled. My heart was light. I was happy (and still am). He called me and I followed Him. Since then, wherever I go, before I would start walking, I could hear Jesus calling me, my head would turn, find Him there, then we’d walk the way together.


Jesus is everywhere. He’s in school, taking form in the teachers and classmates who teach me life’s lessons, at home, or in the form of my family, who shows me all that life has to offer. Jesus is one person in different personalities. Jesus could be a farmer, planting crops so we would not hunger, a school’s security guard, that we may be safe from harm, a librarian, that we may be guided in searching for the right knowledge, a mother, who sacrifices for her children, anybody. We might not be aware, but sometimes, we ourselves could be our own “Jesus”. The challenge: It’s a matter of choice – a choice of what to do, and why to do the things that we do. When we choose to be good friends and advice our peers for the better, or when we make our parents proud by studying hard, we act as Jesus would. We become brothers with Jesus. We act as one - one with God, who sent us to this world because we have a purpose. I believe that I was sent on a mission, to change the world, or at least, to make a change that I lived at all – to make the world a better place for everybody. God gave me no reason not to.


I think that God, in His infinite wisdom, conceals hell in the midst of paradise so that we will always be alert, so that we won’t forget the pain as we experience the joys of compassion. Jesus has been more than a friend to me – He was like an ear that is always there, ready to listen to all I’ve got to say. He gives no curfew, no designated time nor place. Wherever I am, whatever situation, whatever time, whenever I call Him, He’s there. He’s very nice. Sometimes I wonder if He ever grows tired from listening to the things I tell Him. But when I see all the blessings He and God had been giving me, I am reassured that He isn’t. Maybe He enjoys the conversation, too. Maybe He likes the stories I’m telling Him. He’s the best listener I’ve ever told anything to. He does not complain. He even gives me the greatest advice. He’s everything.


“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ, He had His eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the over-all purpose He is working out in everything and everyone.” (Ephesians 1:11)


Who am I (are we)? What am I (are we) living for? Jesus Christ gave all the answers for these life’s questions. Before I (we) even met His presence in my (our) life, he already knew me (us). He already knew what is to happen. He already has His plans for me, for everybody. And that makes Him just great. It’s Christ who gave me a purpose in life – I as a person for the world. He made me find the real “me”. It has been Christ who changed my before-chaotic life. He made me a better person, a person who does what she does for God’s glory and not for hers, for others and not for herself alone. It’s Christ who kept on calling me, it was He who has been my tectospinal reflex stimulator, and with every head turn I make, with every lesson I learn from Him, the more He shows Himself to me, the more He reveals God’s love, the more I realize what a great friend He could be. Emmanuel. God is with us – through Jesus who draws us nearer to Him. God loves me. And I love Him, too.


“…But meeting Him is not easy. The more God asks us to participate in His mysteries, the more disoriented we become, because He asks us constantly to follow our dreams and our hearts. And that’s difficult to do when we’re used to living a different way. Finally we discover, to our surprise, that God wants us to be happy, because He is our Father… In order to have a spiritual life, you need not enter a seminary, or fast, or abstain, or take a vow of chastity. All you have to do is have faith and accept God. From then on, each of us becomes part of His path. We become a vehicle for His miracles…” ÿ

furor

furor


09.07.06, 05:55 P.M.


math-e-ma-tics

(noun)

- 1.the only thing that makes hindrances in my
life's goals exist. it makes my whole day suck due
to one super low grade on a nonsense midterm
exam filled with stupidly written numbers [which,
by the way, do not make even the slightest
impression on me.] on a recycled, stinking paper;
2. the only learned knowledge which has no proved
PRACTICAL significance on ANYbody's life.
(except them damn math teachers.);
3.the only thing in school i do NOT love;and,
4.the sole exception in my forever principle in life:
to seek knowledge.

yeah.yeah.
okay, this one's worth more than 10 silly bonus
points (which i have been deprived of..blah!stupid
them.).....

I HATE MATH.

happy?

yes, i am.

[i regret ever wasting a full hour of my precious
time making myself solve stupid "problems" (as
they call those stupid equations which to me are
mere lines of numbers mixed with a bunch of As
and Bs and Xs.come on.). should've read
something else worth my energy and effort.]

i also think the school's stupid enough to have
math on NURSING's curriculum.

DUH???????!!!!!!!

naksyuta. accountancy ke wari?

just makes my golden temper rise.

this is stupidity - a thousand and one percent, pure
stupidity.

and i hate stupid things.

Fortitude's Song

Fortitude's Song

by sharee narciso

08.08.06, 06:15 P.M.

i wait for the sunset to come

the loneliness makes me numb

the silence gives me time

being alone was never a crime

i stare out my window

all i see is my shadow

floating to the ends of the earth

flying like it never knew hurt

my hair is falling down

no such thing caused such frown

in the noise of this solemnity

i curse all them, vanity

i love this seclusion

away from disgusting attention

i see birds 'neath the sky

i feel i'm just as high

my nerves tick loudly

in the calmness of me

all there is to hear is my heart

pumping my blood to every part

i lay down, as i always do

because it is all i've got to do

gaze on the ceiling

not sure what i'm feeling

i call out to the sky

asking why water had to be dry

why night is day:

why day is night

then i'd realize again

this scene.. i've fallen

this mantel i'm laden in

unknown, where i've been

i wait for my sunset to come

my loneliness makes me all but dumb

my silence gives me time

being alone.. ever sublime.

whirlpool

whirlpool

by sharee narciso

05.28.06, 01:00 P.M.

a crumpled paper
lies on my bed today
i'll cherish forever
but all i have is a day
i'll sing my songs
i'll tell my tales
i'm mute as ten prongs
deaf even to whales
i am intelligent
indeed, i know a lot
but all i have is this sentiment
the people i love, i forgot
when a new gift arrives
i leave the others in disguise
knowing not how'd they feel
if ever they were real
the sweetest times, they were
yet everyday i cry
with uncontrollable laughter
in somebody's arms, i die.
i feel hot and angry
when they offer me to be merry
i feel gay and happy
when all i cause them is misery
sometimes i need it
to swallow my whole damn pride
today i need to blame it
to end the sadness of this joyride.

where have all the fathers gone?

where have all the fathers gone?

by Sharee Narciso

I was reminded of a poignant story of a child whose father was gone when he was born, circumstances having put him in a position where he would not be with his family for an unspecified time.

Growing up, the child discovered his father was somewhat of a "mystery man". Everyone seemed to know at least something about him. Many spoke of him, and no one lacked an opinion about him. Yet, since he never known him, the child's perception of his father was shaped only by the views of others.

As commoly happens, the famous tend to both attract false friends and create real enemies, and both groups tend to distort their stories.

Depending on the source, the child could hear that his dad was a soft old teddy bear or a tough old grouch. Some claimed he was the greatest; others dismissed him as cold, uncaring. Mild critics grumbled that someone with his clout should have done a lot more for everyone; the harshest pointed accusing fingers, blaming him for nearly everything that went wrong.

Sometimes the boy even heard his dad's name cursed. The cruelest rumor whispered around, though, was that his dad was dead.

Even people who said they worked for him gave mixed messages. Some said he set standards so high no one could possibly reach them, but still, you'd better not step out of the line. Others seemed relieved he was gone and set about doing things in the business however they wanted.

All things considered, the child was at once fascinated, mystified and conflicted vy everything he heard about this person who seemed larger than life, yet personally unknown.

Then, years later, he stumbled upon an unread bundle of letters from his dad. In utter amazement he unfolded page after page of stories about things his father had done, his feelings about his family, his hopes and plans, what they would do when he came back, what he had been through, even descriptions about what he was really like. It was as though he had sensed what people would say and wanted to reassure his child how he really was and what had really happened.

This discovery differed drastically from what the child had been told, and his life changed dramatically. He learned how to contact his dad and began looking forward to personally meeting him.

Where is their relationship now? I don't know. You'll have have to answer that.. because.. you are the child, and God is the Father.

He didn't want to be gone from our lives, but God's Word is clear: If He is distant from us, it is because we - humanity - left Him.

For us, in our relationship with our heavenly Father, the question is, "WHERE HAVE ALL THE CHILDREN GONE?" You, too, can discover His letters - they're in the Bible. The Good News is that He will be meeting us face to face, and here we will get to know Him better and build the right relationship with Him.

Paul told the Greeks, regarding their "unknown God" , that they "should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might . . . find Him, though He is not far from each one of us . . . " (Acts 17:27-28)

We should, too.

quiescence

quiescence

by sharee narciso

08.18.06, 07:12 P.M.

silence is not isolation.
silence is not of discrimination.
silence is the only solution.
to heal a wounded nation.

silence starts within you.
tell your heart and mind, too.
noise can only worsen things as they are,
even lead our ways to very far.

silence is peaceful.
silence is love.
it is respectful:
freely lying as a dove.

does your noise have sense?
i do prefer quiescence.
try to be listen and listen.
your wisdom will greatly broaden.

silence harms nothing.
it is essential as a bird's wing:
without it, it can't fly,
nor reach dreams so high.

this i am saying to one and all:
let those people be hit with this ball,
not to create conflict and anger,
but a suggestion to change for the better.

homme moyen sensuel

homme moyen sensuel

Homme Moyen Sensuel (the average non-intellectual man)
by sharee narciso

08.18.06, 06:23 P.M.

he walks out his door
his boots ragged to the floor
strolls down the street
not minding the pains of his feet

he lives by the day
however it is - come what may
no plans for his future
thinks solely of mindless pleasure

amazed by the thought of knowledge
but never did it to him converge
looks at principles with awe
yet all he has is life's pure flaw

he cooks without food
does evil but preaches good
thinks of man as his neighbor
but has done for him no labor

he says he has faith
yet he believes in fate
what is destiny of man,
compared to God's divine plan?

at this he dies of age,
wishing he could turn back every page.
his life a complete waste,
should've learned all in haste.

the message is clear:
for all of us were created dear.
let not regret be your ending,
nor resent on the Kingdom's coming.

Furor Poeticus

Furor Poeticus

Furor Poeticus
(Rage for Poetry)

08.18.06, 06:24 P.M.

by sharee narciso

i go to sleep at night
only to be awakened, not by fright,
but by thoughts of light:
haunting words to escape with might

i rise, then, with daze
my eyes open with my lamp's glaze
i write down the words, amazed.
words to last for all of days.

silent. i sleep yet again.
this curse had been handed in.
a blessing to share to men,
be it you or he, foe or friend.

the greatest for me is this:
the words i speak of bliss:
i write them, but they are His,
only asking me to spread His peace.

this is my purpose in life.
this is my calling.
with words i shall strive,
to serve the Divine Being.

Furor Scribendi

Furor Scribendi

by sharee narciso
08.18.06
06:44 P.M.

Furor Scribendi
(A Rage For Writing)

i see.
i hear.
i speak not.
i write.

i write what i see.
i write what i hear.
i write not for me.
i write not in fear.

i write for a purpose.
i write not to write.
there is a real cause.
i write for a peaceful fight.

i write to stop hunger.
i write to stop pain.
i write not to suffer.
nor to take any gain.

i write not pure beauty.
i write all that is plain.
i write what need be.
i write not of vain.

i write not what i'm told.
i write what i learn.
i write yet a hundredfold,
for it is all i yearn.

i write to do something.
i write like a little voice.
i write to affect happening.
i write for i hate noise.

i write with sense.
i write with flare.
i write to an audience
who does listen without stare.

i write to give comfort.
i write for total submission.
i write to provide support -
to those with the same passion.

i write the words.
i feel them with my heart.
my pen stronger than all swords,
i write for love in every part.

the sonnet of a grieving heart

the sonnet of a grieving heart

by sharee narciso
08.22.06, 07:25PM

love hurts.
leaving a wound in my heart.
scarring the face of my inspiration.
stopping life, nothing but deprivation.

it made me happy not just once.
it brings me to tears in tons.
it taught me to smile at life -
the life i now cry to have.

it gives me strength to go on.
but without it, where am i to go?
just like a forest kills its fawn,
a love against their law.

love is extreme.
be happy, jumping for joy.
be sad, dying in grim.
get hurt. love's not a toy.

love is deep.
i choose pain over grief.
the hurt is worth to keep.
my life, without it, seems brief.

A Graveyard's Song

a graveyard's song

by sharee narciso

08.22.06, 09:09 P.M.


my heart's bruised.

life, be kind.

help. sigh.

i'm dead.

breathes in dust.

sigh.

then, i rise.

i realize that

there is more to life

than love.

i am resurrected.

what's so strange with getting high grades?

what's so strange with getting high grades?

by sharee narciso

08.27.06, 10:55A.M.

people keep on giving affirmative compliments and praises when i get high scores, or when i get to state the correct answer when i'm called to recite in class.

and i'm wondering why.

why am i having high grades?

first of all, why should i not?

i have no reason not to.

it's the only thing i'm obliged with.

so, why not do it?

what's so hard with memorizing lessons?

it's actually fun, once you get the hang of it.

God has blessed me with overwhelming things, and not only things - people, with love, with care.

How to show my gratitude to him but by showing equal love for them? classmates, i'm addressing this message to you.

what other things have your parents asked of you except to study hard? think about it.

take good care of your studies.

not because it'll make your futures better (as what most say)

but because it's the best way to show how you appreciate your parents.

it'll make them happy, perhaps, even proud (of you).

let's make a change.

make this world a better place.

Class History of 2005-2006

class history of 2005-2006

CLASS HISTORY

Sharee Ann C. Narciso



They were the times when we were innocent, carefree and happy – with nothing to worry about, no problems, no conflicts. We come together and laugh our hearts out until the school bell rings us to go home.


Those times when we cared only about our studies, our lessons, and getting good grades. The times when everybody was a friend, when jokes poofed out of thin air, and when everybody was fair and equal.


It was my first year in high school. Coming to study in a school new to me, life wasn’t that easy. It took time to find out who my real friends are, time to adjust to the academic standards and school regulations implemented in this academy, time to familiarize myself with a new environment – an environment which soon will become my home.


First years undergone certain instruction and orientation for the sake of the newcomers. My freshman year woke up in me the different approaches of learning – not only academically, but also with that of pertaining to the arts, the different physical and social activities. I would never forget when our class won in the Congo contest – everybody was there, participating – all dressed and made up. It was a very fun event not only for me, but for all of my fellow students. I remember the practices we did whenever we had free time, mostly after dismissal. I surely wouldn’t forget my first adviser here in SMA, Ms. An Marie Cayanan, or at least she was then, because we all know that she’s Mrs. Mariano at present. I miss our first year days, whenever I recall the times when I go out to the mall with John Pring, Ace Lacap and Reggie Valencia – my first year pals. We always make it a point to take pictures of ourselves before going home. I miss the times when Jan Albert Suing and I write the most hilarious jokes, stories and songs and have tem read by our dear classmates. It was always a fulfillment to see how we entertained people and made others happy. How about when our lessons were interrupted out of the blue when our teacher calls the attention of the “three girls at the back” – alias of the trio Theresa Quizon, Chentel Ocampo and Erika Pagapong, whenever they chat and not pay attention during class hours? I think is just rightful to say my thanks to my favorite teacher in first year, Mr. Gerald Escoto, for those “okay, it’s your free day today, go and rest, or do whatever you want” statements every Fridays. Another teacher I personally could not forget to acknowledge tonight would be Mrs. Gemma Villanueva for the gift she gave me, just because I was the only one who got a perfect score in our first Periodical Exam in Math.


Most importantly, it was in my freshman year when I met my best friend, when I had my peer group, when I learned to mingle and socialize. It was only after these memories that I came to regret my not coming to our section’s closing party that year, I’m sure I missed the greatest moments. First year is my most carefree year in high school.


But then time spun around me – days swirled past me and dropped me into a completely foreign dimension – my second year. There is only one apparent word appropriate to describe my life during this year – change. Everything changed. My friends were drafted to other class sections, and I had to start over making new friends to survive high school life. It was in my second year when I finally changed my haircut style, also when I discovered my ultimate passion – music. I enrolled in music lessons for guitars, a change that I will never regret in a hundred lifetimes. It also was in this year when I had my first recital series in guitar playing. It was quite a year – I still recall the cheering competition of us sophomores that time – it was very tiring, yet fun, although our section didn’t get to win. When it comes to unforgettable people, I will surely miss Sydnee Roque, who became my seatmate in class once. He was always a favorite classmate of mine, because I’d always cherish the times when we would illegally peep into his notes during a quiz, and we’d always feel good and shake hands for a job well done; also because I’d miss our guitar jam sessions in the classroom. Syd was a good friend. And of course, how can I forget when Gerard Garcia calls me “girlfriend” and I call him “boyfriend”? he’s one of my friends until now, indeed a very nice guy. Another thing I would surely yearn for would have to be our Biology class, where every topic was always thrilling, and I shall have to confess right now that I had cheated in one of our experiments, when I did not touch the frog we were supposed to dissect, because I was sort of grossed out. Good thing Ms. Cruz isn’t here to witness my confession. But most of all, it was in second year when I learned how to love. this particular year was a blessing to me, and never – ever – shall I forget it.


Maturity and self-development flourished in during my third year. Well, I put a stop from getting those disgusted “nerd, back off” looks from others when I decided to stop wearing my eyeglasses, and when I had my hair grown long. Third year exposed me to different fields dear to me – being part of the school paper, joining in events in and out of the campus, developing my different skills, and entertaining others.


It will be intolerable not to remember the first Schools’ Press Conference I ever attended, although I didn’t excel in my field that year. However, I did well in other aspects, such as music, when I and SMA Songbird Andrea Maturan joined an Acoustic Contest in MS Pampanga some time in February of our third year. Other contestants from SMA, guitarist Mark Joseph Cosico and vocalist Oscar Bacani, and from the seniors, guitarist Kuya Jeffrey Victoriano with vocalist Ate Jacqueline Nanquil joined us, and luckily enough, Andrea and I were the last pair from those who came from SMA to be eliminated. And although we only made it up to the Semi-Finals, the fun and the experience is what counts for us. Besides being my acoustic partner, I won’t forget Andrea because she was the one who encouraged me t publish my first feature article, which turned out, I think, quite well.


I was a junior when my life changed entirely – I met the most special, the most influential, the best people from different walks of life – my so-called friends. They entered my life’s system and intricately pioneered every tiny bit of me. I love them so much. They even made me feel so good that I wanted to be at school more often.


I will never forget whenever Aileen suddenly stands in front of the class and shouts to everyone her usual, daily line, “uy.. may joke ako, makinig kayo!!” Well, we got used to it, we were even kind enough to listen and bear with her. She is a very good friend of mine, one of those people I’d surely miss after high school.


Third year would not be third year if Chemistry isn’t around. This subject changed my life – literally. This made Mrs. Jizel Duran more unforgettable.


But who could forget what seems to be the most important event in a junior’s life? Of course, it’s the J.S. Prom. Being included in the cotillioners’ list was an honor, and at the same time, a blessing in disguise. Students got to meet new people, create new friendships and build great relationships, explore new things. When the prom night comes, young people in love dance beneath the moon’s grace and take the opportunity to share this memorable night together. This, perhaps, would be my most unforgettable memory in my high school life.


Nevertheless, it is as unfortunate as the saying goes, “every good thing comes to an end”, the final year of high school, the senior life, arrives. Both a threat and a challenge. The ultimate test sinks in when you think you’re through with Chemistry, then… Boom! Physics teasingly comes into your view. Hi to Mrs. Ganzon. This subject made a lot of seniors cry. Due to numerous evidences, it is considered as the major cause of those headaches, those eye bags and pimples on every fourth year student’s face. Then, when you think you’re ready to take your own life and you feel done with, your teachers suddenly announce the deadline for you to pass your thesis. This is fourth year life. Every second is dedicated to cramming with activities, requirements here and there. I could swear I had nightmares of flying formulas and equations running after me. This could be considered the busiest year in academics and also in extra curricular activities. And yet again, no matter how many problems a senior has to solve, there is always time for leisure and fun.


Who could forget the crazy one-liners of Claire Libut which always get to make lessons stop and teachers laugh with the class, and how about the ever gorgeous Chona Guiao, known because of the legendary “Chuna-Chunami, leader ng group 3” cheer? How can we forget the times when we get a dose of Andrea Maturan and Santanina Sampang’s belly dancing in front of the class? Andrea even swore that those narcotic dances made her lose pounds. I’m positive that everyone would miss Carl Gopez’s punch lines and wild antics, whenever he goes about clowning around the class. Surely, all of us would miss every seatwork, quiz or activity in school wherein Erika Pagapong always is the last student to finish and pass her work. This year is very promising to me, for in this year, I discovered that my best friend, Jan Albert Suing, can actually sing and perform. Because of this, we built our own band with our other friends. I’m sure to miss John Pring, who is always noisy in school, calling every single person I know his best friend. How about the popular and looked-up-to OLP Band? Lead guitarist Mark Joseph Cosico, vocalist Jardinn Caracas, bassist Sydnee Roque, and my tito Laurean Carlos on drums have already won the hearts of all Marians. Who can forget Mr. Ariel Mallari, the person behind every dance number in the school’s programs, the one responsible for organizing certain events, the one who patiently taught the cotillion dance to both juniors and seniors, and the one who changed the way we looked at the subject MAPEH. I would like to recognize and thank Mrs. Elizabeth Santos for everything she’d taught not only me, but the whole Ignacian Marian staff. She taught me to write, to express what I feel, what I believe, and it was through her that I joined the CSPC, DSPC, and only almost, due to some conflicts with the administration, the so-near-yet-so-far RSPC. Because of her I discovered my flare for journalism, that I and my fellow staffers and editors got several awards and exposure through writing. But of all the people here in SMA, of all the teachers, the one I would like to thank the most would be Sir Jonathan dela Peña, the person to whom I owe a handsomely fair lot, teaching me practically everything I know, everything I can do when it comes to playing the guitar. He’s the best.


The most awaited out-of-campus event for a high school student in SMA would always have to be the fourth years’ retreat in Baguio. Either to repent for your evil ways and change into a better person or just to see and view the magnificent views and shop in the various selections available in Baguio City, whatever your reason may be, no one should ever miss this event. A time for reflecting one’s life, a time to spend days and nights of fun with classmates and friends by rule-breaking and sneaking around the Retreat House corridors at one o’clock in the morning, the retreat is a favorite of seniors. Three days, two nights – it doesn’t seem enough, for time sure flies fast when classmates have fun together. Upon stepping down the bus and reaching the grounds of Guagua, Pampanga, you will be warped into the school quadrangle, cheering for your classmates in the annual ball games, or maybe, standing in the line of rampaging students wanting to buy food from the traditional teacher’s booth, and you will suddenly realize that the foundation days have just begun. Who would miss the much-talked about competition of each year level on the last day of the foundation celebration? The highlight of this happening would have to be the anticipated seniors’ competition – then, the famous “Dances of the World”, now, the new “Movie Themes” – a contest which always drains out the pockets of the fourth years, or rather, their parents.


It seems to be five minutes after these exhausting activities took place when suddenly your face is slapped with sheets of paper of your thesis, waiting to be defended tomorrow. You feel all’s through and you think you can rest, but then the JS Prom comes again, and, not more than two weeks after that, the final exams are held for the seniors. This is the last Periodical Test in their high school life that they would have to deal with.


Then, the dreaded part – Graduation. Personally, I both love and hate the idea. I love the whole event because I’m excited to enter college. But most of the time, I hate it. Seriously, how can I suddenly leave this school which served as my home for four years? How can I all-of-a-sudden leave my high school friends here, friends with whom I built the best memories of my youth? How about the events I’ve always looked forward to? And how about the picture of my classmates cramming in every quiz or rushing projects every morning? How is it possible to leave behind the colorful cotillion practices after class? The usual meet-me-in-the-corridor love blues? The buzzing around during classes or sleeping when the teacher is boring? How about cutting classes just to sneak off and have a jam in the music room? What will happen to the usual culminating activities given life by the different bands and performers? What will happen to our high school – our home, our life for four years?


I was once an alien in this school. Tonight, I know it more than anything else. Tonight, I look back to those times when we were innocent, carefree and happy – with nothing to worry about – no problems, no conflicts. I remember those memories and wish that I could bring them back.


Tonight, I recall the first time I stepped foot in this school.

Turn the Lights Off

Turn the Lights Off

Sharee Ann C. Narciso


They were seven in the family, five children of two very loving and caring parents. Tomorrow, they will be setting off town to settle down in their newly bought house in a nearby village. They had to switch residence because of better job opportunities for the parents. They all bid goodbye to their friends and neighbors before leaving, and soon before dawn creaked, they were all packed up.


They left early to get away from any possible traffic jam. The children slept during the trip, and with just a meter from their destination, their eyes cracked open.


It was a fairly large enough house, with a garden centered with flowers planted around a fountain, in which the figure was a gargoyle. Curtains and flowerbeds were seen at the great number of windows. Vines and moss hanged on the walls. That was the picture of the whole scene.


“Oh, hello there, you must be the new family…” an old woman with broken teeth said in greeting them, “Please come in, I’ll show you around.”


“Thank you… Kids, come.” The father led them as the entered the house.


The eldest, Yu, somehow felt a very weird sensation, tingling all over his body, a strange twinge creeping through his insides. Then they went inside to arrange their things.


Everything went on quite well for the next days, transportation was convenient, since school and work were not that far from home, and neighbors were incredibly friendly.


Then one afternoon, everybody was at home. They were watching TV when suddenly, “Oh my God!! Everyone, come here quick!”


They were all shocked with what they saw. Their youngest brother stood in front of them – hung. He was found bleeding in every part of his body; it was three of the clock. His heart was cut open. “I was with him; we were looking for some toys. Then I was the first to go out of the room. I turned the lights off,” explained their sister, “ then I noticed he did not come out soon, I decided to come back for him. When I turned the lights back on, this…” she cried and cried. In fact, all of them were crying.


At the funeral, all were mourning; it was exactly seven days since the mysterious death. Cops and private investigators found nothing that could be possible signs or causes of death, they it was suicide, but they found a message on a paper written with the victim’s blood, stuck inside the boy’s shirt, close to his heart. It read: Turn the Lights Off. Everyone was puzzled.


The younger sister, who was with him in the room before he died, went inside the house on an errand. Her mom asked her to get some cups and saucers in the old cabinet found in that same room. She went in and still felt a bit creepy, and then heard a voice whispering to her, “Turn the lights off..” she looked everywhere but found no one. Then, after getting the cups with haste, she ran to the door, turned off the lights, but before she could even get out, the door slammed close in front of her.


The family heard a loud scream of help and rushed in the house. Hanging in front of them was their beloved daughter, her feet dripping with blood, her heart burst open just like his dead brother’s was, with the same bloody message. All were filled with surprise and gore.


Seven days. Another funeral. At three o’clock, another body was found – dead in that room. The killings repeated over and over. Until all children were dead except one – Yu. Two more weeks, and both parents were killed. Yu was still alive. But he was all alone now. They asked him to move out of that spooky house. After seven days, Yu was taking a nap in the afternoon. He had a dream – a very realistic dream, as if all of it were really happening. He stood up from the couch were he had been lying, then he found himself in that room, it was 3:00, his hands were filled with blood, his eyes were soaked with tears, and his right hand carried a knife, on the other hand, a rope. Then he woke up. But he realized he wasn’t sleeping at all. He was really there. Then memories flashed in front of him… cries, shouts of help, blood, his brothers, his sisters, his father, his mother, on his feet were pills and tablets which seemed like medicine… now he remembered… he was the one who killed his family. All this time, he was angry with whoever did the crime, now he learned that man was he. He was the one who whispered and asked for them to turn off the lights, because he did not want them, anyone, the people he killed, to see that he was the one who killed them. He did this because the drugs he had been taking made him want to.


“Turn the lights off.” He whispered, tears flowing on his cheeks.


The next morning, his dead body had been taken out. Seven days later, he had been buried.


A few decades since, new families came and lived in that house. New families made it their home. New families suffered the same case. Families of seven members died. Every seven days, a member is killed. Every seven years, the story repeats itself.


At 3:00 PM.

Ice Cream and Wafer Sticks

Ice Cream and Wafer Sticks

Sharee Ann C. Narciso


Bigger. Crunchier. Better.


I was watching a loud women yelling on television when I noticed that there were marshmallows on my cup. Another teenager got pregnant because she got drunk. I couldn’t understand why these are happening. Fear. Conflict. Problems make the world go ‘round. Everyone is thinking hard. Most of them are crying. Some ask questions, like the way this tiny baby spider is crawling its way towards me, and how someone ever got the idea of flying superheroes to be the lead of today’s film industry. And suddenly a meteor comes crashing down with a pillar of hot fire which stopped Ramses and his troops from following God’s people led by Moses on the way to the Red Sea.


Then our light bulb falls down on the floor. Life on earth is not that easily understood. My parents reach home and ask if anybody called while they weren’t around. Mom finds two towels, and asks why there are two towels, when supposedly there should only be one towel, and then decides to put the other towel in the laundry and keep the other one around. And so, when you fall down and seem to drown in a swimming pool, just throw out all the oxygen in your body so you could float and take some air in. Now, that makes sense, doesn’t it? I’m really busy right now, and I think, personally, mocha is the best flavor for milkshakes. People cry when they can’t solve their problems. Some give up. Some indulge in tasty food, and later on, they get disappointed with their selves because eventually, they get F-A-T. Some call for help. Some keep things by themselves. Some commit suicide and die. Some spend the rest of their lives being couch potatoes. Some become just like me, and express all their emotions, feelings, fear, anger, sometimes even despair, by writing and a small voice waiting to be heard by others. Some take time reading this crap and gently sigh, “Man, now this is what I call creative writing.”


Thank you very much.

Eureka

(uncut version)

Sharee Narciso



It was a sunny afternoon. An afternoon no one in their group ever wanted to come. It was the death of a friend, a loved one.


Days passed, but still there was no clue, no sign.


“This can’t go on. We need to do something,” Andi said in disappointment.


“Oh.. how can we do something, if we practically already did everything?” Carl broke in. it was hopeless. But not impossible to be solved.


“there must be something – anything.” Sharee exclaimed, trying to keep some spirit up.

“Yeah, right,” Rain whispered in a low voice, while taking off his jacket. He had been sweating real fast.


The friends lived in one unit, they bought it a few months earlier. They’ve been best friends since junior High. And a loss of a member must have been really painful.


“I thought so. We can never, ever, trust the authorities, the court, the law, the police or whoever handles this case. We filed it days, years, centuries, millenniums ago, and there we have it. We have nothing.” Carl sighed out.


“Okay buddy, don’t exaggerate that far. Our friend only died last week, man,” Jan Al replied while playing with some coins and pins on the table.


“Our friend died. And he hasn’t obtained the rightful justice for him in God’s sake! Then you tell me it’s okay?!” Carl shouted, “You are so insane.”


“Yeah,” Jan Al said in a way that he did not seem to bother.


“Stop it,” Rain uttered, his mouth almost unmoved, as he walked to the door and got his jacket from the chair.


“You’re leaving?” Andi asked.


“Hmmm… let’s see, oh… yeah,” Rain replied in prompt simplicity.


“Oooh!” Sharee fired out. She had always been concerned to her pals more than herself since Marion died; she said she realized their significance. Rain always proved to be a lot more special than the others, though she clears out that she considers him only as a good friend. Yeah. But of course, the others would not really buy that.


Rain drove off his big bike, leaving the leaves on the ground all scattered on every direction across the yard.


“I just raked those. Oh!” Ann grunted, “God, I hate that man!”


“Sure you do.” Joan meant, almost in a teasing tone.


Everyone ate their chips in front of the TV, silence ruled the entire house. Not a single word was spoken. Then Tracy came in.


“Hey,” she greeted.


“Hi,” some answered back simultaneously.


“What’s up?” she asked, “anything to interest me, no?”


Sharee tossed her spoon. It served well. Quite an answer, in fact.


“I’m off to shower,” Sharee was not much of in a good mood right now.


“Okay,” Tracy said, as she sat along with the others.


“Him,” Ann told Tracy in a soft voice, “Again.”


“Yah. I could see that,” Tracy replied, grabbing a bunch to eat.


“Hey, no sad faces, guys,” Andi chewed up, “anybody for some ice cream?”


“Sure,” Carl exclaimed, hoping for some pleasant aura to surround him.


“Love to,” Joan moved.


“Yeah,” Ann stood up, got some iced crème from the fridge, and they started helping their selves out.


“Oh,” Andi grunted noisily, almost pig-like, “I love these calories.”


“Believe me,” Jan Al laughed, “we already know.”


The others laughed in, too.


“Uhm.. Anyone here for a walk?” Sharee interrupted, but now with a new face, with her trademark – a sweet smile all of them loved, “perhaps to buy some ice cream? Andi seemed to eat all we had left.”


“I thank the gods of heaven for giving us the gift of cool bath and fresh water,” Jan Al joked in, “You see, all Sharee needs is one cool bath, then her temper just cools down that fast. And that’s a fact.”


“I’d like to stroll a bit,” a mysterious, masculine voice whispered, sliding from the back door. It was him.


And so the evident humongous grin on Rain’s face met halfway with Sharee’s sweet smile. And they left.


“See you later,” Sharee waved off as she rode on the back of Rain’s motor scooter. As they left, everyone can hear the tiny, sweet giggles of her joy.


“What’s going on with those? The love thing, eh?” Joan snorted.


“…” Carl replied, “Yah, I think so..”


It was getting pretty dark outside and the girls were preparing dinner. Everyone was catchy with laughs and stories during supper.


“Hey, it’s past 9, where are those two?” Andi asked while munching some rice in.


“Must’ve checked in, I suppose,” Carl giggled.


Everyone looked at him.


“I’m just kidding, sorry,” Carl withdrew, noticing the serious looks on him.


“I’m tired. I’m sleeping.” Jan Al said as he wiped his mouth with table napkin and carried his plate over to the sink, “‘night guys.”


Morning came. The two haven’t returned. The rest were still asleep, when suddenly, “GUYS! GUYS! YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE AND CHECK THIS OUT! NOW!” Joan, the early bird, shouted downstairs.


“What’s with the shouting? It’s 6 AM, people!” Tracy complained.


“Holy –” Jan Al gasped, already tear eyed.

“Oh my –” Andi said, raising her hands on her mouth.

“No. Please, no.” Tracy moaned, now wide-awake.


Everybody went downstairs now. All in their pajamas sat in front of the TV and were shocked. It was the Morning News.


Knock. Knock. Knock. Carl ran to the door.


“Good morning, sir, I’ve come to -” the police officer started out, “– to tell you, uhm.. sort of, well… bad news.”


“We know.” Carl replied, his voice struggling to put his words together.


Sharee and Rain were found dead in front of an ice cream shop, just a few blocks away from their house.


The Police said nobody else was found in the place to be suspects. Medical autopsy was proceeded with, but neither physical causes, nor health problems were found.

Tracy hugged Ann and Joan as they cried. Carl and Andi were moaning, too. But nobody could be more hurt than Sharee’s bestest friend, Jan Al.


He went out and drove his car as fast as he can, without any sure destination. Tears flew past his face, together with the swift speed of his driving. Andi was shocked with what happened, and was not able to say anything.


“I had no idea what happened,” confessed Kenneth, the ice cream vendor who was being interrogated by the investigators, “I just heard people screaming.. And then --”


Kenneth was unable to finish his horrific tale when his attention was caught by a mysterious, yet familiar man who walked past his shop’s window. The man’s face was covered mostly by a hood. He wore an unusually long and thick jacket. When the policemen deprived Kenneth’s attention once again, the man was gone.


“Come on,” Carl breathed out heavily as he pointed the others to the car. He drove off home. Nobody spoke a word since they left Sharee and Rain’s funeral.


They entered the door and sat down, exhaustion filled the air. Rain’s bike was now brought to their house, parked in the garage, still covered with dirt and soot. Everybody mumbled and hummed unconsciously around the soul-less home.


Investigations went on, though the friends already gave up hope for any clue of who the killer was. They left the house and come back home one by one, almost seemingly unknowing of where and why to go.


One afternoon, Chentel, Nina and Erika, their other friends, came home from abroad when they heard about the deaths of their other friends, though it was apparently late.


They were welcomed with tears and hugs. Sympathy and grief was most evident on the particular scene.


“Okay, I’m off to shower,” Erika said, wiping her tears.


The next morning, the friends accompanied Erika, Chentel and Nina to visit Marion, Sharee, and Rain’s graves.


“What the--” Nina whispered.


“Yes?” Chentel looked about, puzzled.


“I think I just saw someone – he was – well, I think – I think I’ve seen him before– I, I don’t know.” Nina answered, white-faced.


“Jet-lag.” Erika muttered, squeezing herself into the conversation.


“Most probable.” Joan said upon overhearing the talk while putting down the flowers on the ground. Andy and Carl were dusting off dirt on the marble coffins while Jan Al was quietly looking at the sky.


At lunch time, they decided to leave. Chentel and Joan said that they had to go somewhere else, leaving the others to go straight home.


The engine had just started up when Tracy was found in a complete halt halfway to going into the car, the vehicle’s doors still flung open – and then – a scream, two screams were heard. Almost automatically, their heads looked back and saw an Ice Crème truck beeping and stopping frantically – two female bodies were flying in mid-air – Tracy was running over to the scene – she was tugging Chentel and Joan’s bodies which were lying motionless on the ground. Then the others followed. It was a complete silence – Ann was crying, Carl was shouting madly, the ambulance siren was wildly whining, rescuers were giving instructions, on-lookers were busy buzzing around for gossip, and in the middle of the street full of deep commotion stood Jan Al, completely still and unmoved, his eyes looking straight forward.


“Not again,” Andy said, her hands on her face as she was looking down on the ground while the doctor was explaining to her. “Tell me – not again.”


The doctor then said nothing, shook his head, followed with a consoling tap on Andy’s shoulder and led off to the corridor.


After the funeral, Nina and Erika bid goodbye and moved to return abroad to go back to their jobs and families there. They left, not knowing that they will never return home again. Jan Al and Ann drove them to the airport and said their farewells.


On their way home Jan Al and Ann saw masked men, appearing to be robbers, conversing uneasily with civilians and policemen. They could not clearly hear what they were saying. But this wasn’t so important for what they heard next. A gunshot was fired by one of the masked men, missing the policeman by inches, when yet another scream was heard – the lost bullet shot straight through Ann’s body in the front seat next to Jan Al.


Next week, Ann was buried next to the grave of Marion and the others.


At home next morning, the post man came to deliver a letter. Carl read it aloud in front of everybody:


“Good day. The Ambassador of Asian Welfare here in London sent you this letter, thinking it is of your preeminent interest --”


There were pictures which Carl passed on to the others, shaken.


Nina and Erika were dead. On the event that they reached London, upon setting foot on the airport, it was also the verge of the instance that terrorists were on the loose – the wing where the two friends’ arrivals were was the spot where the rebels had their bomb planted. The pictures could only prove worse, it was even impossible to identify who the people in the pictures were. The scene was awfully gruesome and gory. Bodies were badly wounded and scarred.

That night, during dinner, Carl was extra quiet and simple. The others could not bear to talk much, so went to bed early.

A dreadfully bad smell woke them up at 6:00 AM.

Next week, Carl was next to his friends’ coffins. It was suicide.

Jan Al, Tracy and Andy were left lifeless – with no other friends except the three of them. Appetite in food and leisure was scarce. Seldom, in fact, did they eat; in fact, they just slept because they had nothing else to do.

Months passed, they were poorly nutritioned, much thinned and almost dead, when one day, the door bell rang.

“Ice Cream delivery.”


The next days came, and Jan Al was found in the cemetery alone with the men who dug holes on the ground and brought down the coffins of Tracy and Andy. But tears weren’t found on Jan Al’s face, in truth – he was almost smiling.


Kenneth was put in prison for massacre and was sentenced with life imprisonment.

~~~~~~~~

THE END.

Untitled No. 1427

Untitled No. 1427

shareenarciso

Like pebbles contained

And briefcases sacked

Goblets launching off

These Tingles under the skin

Books Unread

Are Movies Unseen

The Changing of hue

Is only Acceptable

To make up for All that’s lost

Blah.

So much for Forgetting

The Memory Lane I’ve gone through

To erase the Concealment

The Secrecy is a Smile

Equality is pretentious

It’s been laid down

On the ceiling of the Floor:

Beloved. My friends, I hate you.

Welcome to the department

Of the Hopeful Departed.

In B-Major 7

In B-Major 7

shareenarciso

The Dial is red

playfully coloring the Grayscale

shattered today

I’ve done it Tomorrow

to Duty resigned

ah, Absurdity!

my Mind’s gone blank

but No, it just went back

and returned Away

the Blur is obscene:

Madness in a Cup of Chocolate!